Just Writing...

Hey there my lovely readers,
I'm pretty sure my readers are non-existent, but maybe one day that will change. I really have been failing at keeping up with this. It makes me so sad. It's ironic that I wrote on the first day of the month and on the last day. This post might be all over the place. I'm just in the writing mood, but don't really know what to write about. I still haven't found something that I can blog about on a daily or weekly basis, but hopefully I find something soon. Hopefully I can still write more often.
Things have been... I don't really know how to explain it. It's a combination of stress, sadness, worrying, and maybe even a little fear.
School wise I've been doing okay. I have an A in my math class. I have an A in my English class, but that might change, but hopefully I keep an A. Biology is not my strong suit, I have a C, but hopefully I improve. In my second biology class that starts soon, I hope to do well. Over all school is going well. I really like my classmates in my math class. I wish I could spend more time on campus and get involved, but not having a car doesn't really make it possible.
Things with my boyfriend have been... I don't know. He says he loves me, but lately he hasn't been showing it. It really hurts me. I feel like I have no one to talk to, that would really understand. I feel like everyone would just tell me to walk away. I don't know if I should follow my heart or my head. I don't want to give up on us because I really love him, but I deserve to be happy don't I? I hope things work out for us. He is a good guy, who has a huge heart. I would say he has trouble expressing his emotions, but when we first started dating which wasn't that long ago, he was so adorable, romantic and showed emotion. How could so much change in so little time. I hope he really does love me and it works out for us.
I feel like I have no time to do everything I want to do. I really need to better manage my time. I also miss home and hope I can visit soon. This year has been crazy and has brought about so many changes and I hope they were all for the better.
I have grown and changed so much this year and I hope I am making the right decisions for my future. The Disney College Program truly changed my life and taught me so much. In less than 80 days I will be 21. It is so surreal. I have been waiting for this birthday my whole life and I really want it to be special. I have no money and that might not happen so that really sucks. It also sucks that I won't have any family or my friends from back home to celebrate with.
I'm in a tough spot in my life and I hope I get through it. I'm going to put it in the hands of God.
I know I have goals and even though they are going to take longer than planned to complete I will work hard to achieve them.
I have to write a research paper for my English class and I have to choose a topic. Maybe I'll let you guys know what I choose soon.
Sorry this post was all over the place from updates to rambling to randomness. Bare with me.
Thanks for reading.
Have a magical night!